November 6, 2010

Fun-hating geezers intensify the borification of the Bay Area

San Francisco and the surrounding Silicon Valley have or will ban toys in kids meals at fast food restaurants. The reason given is to protect children from being duped into eating foods that are high in calories, fat, and sodium. Back on planet Earth, no human being needs to be plied with the lure of free toys to gorge on calories, fat, and sodium -- yum!

Notice they are not targeting any place that serves up mountains of sugar, like the yoghurt and fruit juice aisle of Whole Foods. (A serving of either has about as much sugar as a candy bar.) No wonder kids have gotten so fat -- they're being told to suck down all the sugar they want, as long as they don't contaminate its purity with nutritious fat and salt.

At the same time, it's not like this ban will affect any actual children, given how devoid of young people the Bay Area is. Once upon a time it used to be overrun with white teenagers and 20-somethings, making it a mecca for thrill-seekers. Now it only attracts graying, childless dorks desperate to prove how sophisticated their tastes are to one another. Boooorrrrrinnnnngggg. God damn, what ever happened to "mellow out, man," "simplify," and "sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll"?

Before moving somewhere, make sure to check out its age pyramid to get a feel for how much hormone-borne excitement will be hanging in the air.

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